Mall Sale Falls Through

Bad news in the City Herald today-- the company that planned to refurbish and sell the Double Points Mall on Orlock Avenue and Farkas has lost their funding. The upside is you can still tell your friends you live right next to the largest abandoned mall in the world outside of South Korea. There used to be 3 Sbarro's in there.

Birds in Action Tonight

It’s a beautiful fall Friday, which means we’ll be at Cullen High cheering on the Birds against Hoover.

Sophomore quarterback Casey Slinger will try and shake off a slow start for the team’s first win of the year. So far he’s been terrible, even for a fifteen year old.

Coach Royal told us, “It’s been a real disappointing season so far, but we still have time to make a run at the city championship. Of course if Slinger could not play like total crap, that would really help.”

The game starts at 7pm, which means Slinger should be shitting all over the field by 7:05.

Movie tonight at Cemetery Park

It's Friday, so here's a reminder that there's an 8 pm movie screening tomorrow night at Cemetery Park. This week's movie is an experimental basketball/animation movie called Space Jam, starring basketball legend Michael Jordan. Although few saw Space Jam when it was released, critics now recognize the film as an important precursor to modern basketball films like Double Team and Scary Movie 4.

Last week's Wicker Man screening was unfortunately marred by both rain and vomit-soaked grass. But the folks over at the Burnt Oak Community Action Committee Event (BOCACE) assure me the vomit has been properly hosed away and the only dangers now are the ones posed by people having a great time watching a fun movie and ticks.

Here's a great clip.

Missing Cat Feared Dead, Found, Accidently Killed, Now Missing

Dino, a four year old tabby missing for two weeks, was found hiding three blocks away in the back of Carl Jackson’s garage. Jackson, who recognized the cat from a poster on his block, placed Dino into his car for safekeeping. However, as he was closing his door Dino tried to jump out, and was crushed.

Dino was rushed to Boyes Veterinarian Clinic where he was pronounced dead. Then the feline’s body was misplaced, and is currently either on its way to the city dump or somewhere in basement. In light of the new situation, the stated reward amount of $25 for finding Dino has been lowered to $5.

Jackson will be arraigned on Monday.

Everyone Thinks the Idea of a "Fart Walk" is Hilarious

Can you imagine an art walk only it's farts? You would walk around and smell farts or something!

Someone needs to tell a cartoonist about this right away!

And if you are a cartoonist feel free to submit your interpretation of a "fart walk!"UPDATE: check the comments for a hilarious comic! Thanks, Troy!

The Burnt Oak "Art Walk" is next week.

Hickerson Not Tallest

For years Allan Hickerson has been known as the tallest man in Burnt Oak. However, a recent measurement has revealed that Hickerson is only five foot ten, putting him in the hundreds.

“Obviously this is a shock. I enjoyed the attention, and loved showing my stuff at the annual seven foot rim dunk contest.” Hickerson says he won’t miss people asking him what the weather is like up there.

The title of tallest Burnt Oak resident has been turned over to Cullen High Freshman Cindy Hanson.

Halloween Costume Store Open

Just got back from the temporary Halloween Superstore on Jispanic Street where the owner Jacob Singer says business is booming. He also gave me a preview of what should be the biggest costume of the year, the old lady from Titanic.

“We can’t keep that one in stock. We got two crates first thing this morning and by 9am they were gone.”

The store will be open everyday until Halloween from noon until 10pm.

All costumes not sold by the 31st will be sent to the victims of the recent tsunami in Samoa.

High Speed Is Here!

Okay Burnties! Our favorite coffee house, Moulin Brew, finally has high speed internet. Due to zoning restrictions they've not been allowed to run cable into their cozy 14-person capacity cafe. After years struggling with dial-up owner, Cliff Wranks, can finally get high speed internet using a satellite dish. Sheepdog Satellite Services (named after the crazy owner who's always wearing this crazy hat which makes him look like a sheepdog. Ha!) can provide service now to the cafe because one of his clients installed a base satellite which Moulin Brew uses to bounce off a signal. Thank you District 8 County Jail for allowing me to drink the best Americano in Burnt Oak while updating our community blog.

If near the area stop by - I'll be here until noon!

Ham Hat Screening at Cemetary Park

The next BOCACE screening down at Cemetary Park is going to be a hilarious treat-- it's the 2009 short-film "Ham Hat" by the LA film-making ensemble The Birthday Boys.

Here's a behind-the-scenes making-of video that also contains the entire film.

Ham Hat - watch more funny videos

So grab your raincoat and head on down!

Graffiti Alert!

Burnt Oak has been named a "high graffiti area" by the city's anti-graffiti task force, which means more patrols and more money for clean-up. It's a mixed blessing for those of us who like there to be erections drawn on everything.